i Step onto the Air

I stand on an edge, looking down

Unsure of what I see

Beneath me, a blur

Something overtakes me

I step onto the air, unsure

With seconds to think

My mind is black and white

I blink

Not fearful of death

Scared of what’s next

Saved or damned

Unclear, uncertain

Heaven or hell

I obsess,

Then reassess

Am I unworthy,

Or unwilling

Justified or guilty

Apostate or regenerate

Falling faster

I become peaceful in doubt

Accepting my fate

A smile on my mouth

My final moment,

Fear creeps back in

My frequent opponent

Finds his place again

At least now I will know

Where I will go

After my last breath

and death,

Up or down below.

I am a Mirage

The truth doesn’t hit me fast

I’m lost for words, for meaning

Trapped in a sea of emotion

Locked and chained

Behind empty words

A memory gone and a future fading

Playing a game I don’t understand

For God knows how long

I’m a mirage in a desert

Fading with every step

Future unknown, walking fast

Only certain the sight won’t last

Hanging by a Thread

I stare at tomorrow

With nothing but dread

Yesterday looks like today

And today, tomorrow

And without delay

Slumber becomes sorrow

Shame wakes me late

I can’t function,

I hesitate

Lurching onward,

Grasping on a strand

Of hope, of light,

How much more can I stand?

The loop continues

As I grow older and weary

I wonder if my soul is sold

And I can no longer see clearly

The walls narrow now

Nearly crushing me within

But I’ll stay and make may way

As long as I can.

The Dawn Fog

The spark once surged in my mind

Racing from this to that

Relentless, rapid

Ravenous and curious

Seeking nothing but truth

The spark departed

And fog moved in

To cloud my judgment

To silence my voice

I try to ignite it myself

But I seem to have no choice

Manufactured thoughts

Rehearsed speech

Who am I?

I can’t be me.

Am I living a lie?

Or fighting the flesh?

Is this the good fight?

Or a hot mess?

The worst is a sentence

That starts from the heart

The next words never come

Nothing makes sense

I try to improvise

And react in self defense

But I know that I’m impaired

I’m scared.

Should I open my mouth?

Does anyone care?