i Step onto the Air

I stand on an edge, looking down
Unsure of what I see
Beneath me, a blur
Something overtakes me
I step onto the air, unsure
With seconds to think
My mind is black and white
I blink
Not fearful of death
Scared of what’s next
Saved or damned
Unclear, uncertain
Heaven or hell
I obsess,
Then reassess
Am I unworthy,
Or unwilling
Justified or guilty
Apostate or regenerate
Falling faster
I become peaceful in doubt
Accepting my fate
A smile on my mouth
My final moment,
Fear creeps back in
My frequent opponent
Finds his place again
At least now I will know
Where I will go
After my last breath
and death,
Up or down below.

I am a Mirage

The truth doesn’t hit me fast
I’m lost for words, for meaning
Trapped in a sea of emotion
Locked and chained
Behind empty words
A memory gone and a future fading
Playing a game I don’t understand
For God knows how long
I’m a mirage in a desert
Fading with every step
Future unknown, walking fast
Only certain the sight won’t last

Hanging by a Thread

I stare at tomorrow
With nothing but dread
Yesterday looks like today
And today, tomorrow
And without delay
Slumber becomes sorrow
Shame wakes me late
I can’t function,
I hesitate
Lurching onward,
Grasping on a strand
Of hope, of light,
How much more can I stand?
The loop continues
As I grow older and weary
I wonder if my soul is sold
And I can no longer see clearly
The walls narrow now
Nearly crushing me within
But I’ll stay and make may way
As long as I can.

The Dawn Fog

The spark once surged in my mind
Racing from this to that
Relentless, rapid
Ravenous and curious
Seeking nothing but truth
The spark departed
And fog moved in
To cloud my judgment
To silence my voice
I try to ignite it myself
But I seem to have no choice
Manufactured thoughts
Rehearsed speech
Who am I?
I can’t be me.
Am I living a lie?
Or fighting the flesh?
Is this the good fight?
Or a hot mess?
The worst is a sentence
That starts from the heart
The next words never come
Nothing makes sense
I try to improvise
And react in self defense
But I know that I’m impaired
I’m scared.
Should I open my mouth?
Does anyone care?